Hands down
by TheAntisocials
Summary: my songfic for the song of the moment, Hands Down. I think this is purdy darn good, if I say so myself.


You Meant it  
  
A/N: I got the inspiration for this one from what one of my best friends said to one of my other best friends-it was the chorus from a certain song. Thanks Davey and Amanda! P.S. Hook up already! The song was Hands Down by Dashboard Confessional. I suggest that you buy it or listen to it, it's a great song.  
  
Breathe in for luck Breathe in so deep This air is blessed, you share with me. The night is wild, So calm and dull, These hearts they race, From self-control. Your legs are smooth As they graze mine, We're doing fine, We're doing nothing at all.  
  
He paced the room, thoughts flashing, fire sparkling, pages on a nearby desk flipping, owls calling, branches rustling, he paced the room. But all that he heard didn't exist, at least not outside of his own head. He tried to breathe, but found it impossible because of hormones, nerves, human things, and feelings, and guilt, and perserverance, better things. He wasn't really pacing now, just running, running, running, away from nothing and always toward the same thing, over and over, why couldn't it change? He was running to one side, only to turn around and run right back, he was scared, then frightened, then afraid, finally ashamed. He knew that this shouldn't be done, not now, not ever, but it had to be done. Her life was at stake here, while she had been the reasonable and responsible one before, it wouldn't work this time. She had been blinded. She would never open her eyes unless he forced them open, and that was going to be today. That was why he was nervous, endlessly pacing the room.  
  
My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me So won't you kill me So I die happy My heart is yours to fill or burst, To break or bury, Or wear ask jewelry, Whichever you prefer.  
  
The door swung open. He jumped. Time was coming. It was not in smooth, fluid motion, like it usually was. Now it was going slowly. Play-by-play. No, frame-by-frame. He was about to do it. What he had wanted to do for so long. He was going to betray his best friend to tell his other best friend what she was missing. He didn't know what either would think about this. He didn't have time to think anymore. He stuck to the words he had memorized. He had stuck them carefully in his mind, word-by-word, for two years. He didn't have any time to waste. She had to know, not later, right now.  
  
She would agree, wouldn't she? She simply had to agree, once he opened her eyes, didn't she? Wouldn't she realize what she had almost done and end it right there and then and try to forget it? She wouldn't walk away, be insulted, whack him for being so outrageous? So self-righteous? So confident, nearly borderlining egotistical, as he now inconveniently realized? What would ensue? He had to begin.  
  
"Hi." His voice cracked mortifyingly, but she was more or less used to it. "Hey. Where were you?" Her dimples. "Here." "Um, can we talk?" "Unlike we are now?" If she would stop being so smart just once in her life, he prayed, could it please be right now? "Yes. No. Here, sit down." They sat.  
Silence.  
  
The words are hushed, Let's not get busted, Just lay entwined here, undiscovered. Safe in here, from all the stupid questions, "Hey, did you get some?" That is so dumb. Stay quiet, stay near, stay close, they can't hear So we can get some.  
  
"Nice fire they got going there," She mused. He was beginning to lose confidence, he was a car with a giant leak in the fuel tank, it spilled out by the gallon.  
"Yeah... look, I just wanted to say, first, congratulations. And second, don't."  
"Don't what? Look, if you're talking about what I think you are, it's too late." She paused to giggle. "Last night..."  
He cut her off, nauseous, his head aching, as if his brain had been taken and brutally squeezed like a sponge, not of information, but rather of any substance whatsoever.  
"No, it's not that. Don't go... through... with it." He coughed lamely.  
"Excuse me?" She knew what he meant now, she had a tone of almost- disgust in her voice.  
"All I'm saying is, you're seventeen. You've only dated three men in your life. Wouldn't you feel you were missing something if you went through with- that- now?"  
"No, I don't believe I would. Look, if this is about us- no, you- give it up now. I'm sick of these games that you play. I understand your hidden meanings and metaphors, I'm not that stupid, I just don't take the time or effort to acknowledge your remarks. Please let it go. Now. I can't go through with it this way, and I am going to go through with it. It's not about us, it's about you, and it's about you and my fiance." She stood up with an odd look on her face. It wasn't anger or hatred, more like pity instead. She pitied him. He hated that. He was a big boy now, he didn't need anyone's pity, he had lived off of pity for years and years and had realized early on that it wasn't a very happy fact of his life. She stood up, but he grabbed her arm just in time.  
"Look, I'm sorry, okay? I know that's not what you wanted to hear, but that's the best I'll ever be able to give you. So let me live my life, and try to figure out one of your own. You're running out of time. All of the team scouts have come by, but you just reject their offers. What do you want? You need to figure it out. If you really want some help, I guess I could look over some brochures with you or something. I just don't like seeing you like this because you know as well as I do that our time here is coming to an end very quickly, and no matter how much you try to pretend, you can't stay here forever. So let me help you, or someone else, anyone, because you need to get back on your feet. You can't sit here dwelling on a relationship that was purely physical for three days, especially now that I've moved on. It's your turn."  
She sat down again, exhausted.  
"But that's just it. My point is that I don't think you've moved on either. After all, why do you want to marry him?" He looked calm but was actually completely distraught. What if she was right? What if he was just making a complete fool of himself?  
"Because he's sweet, funny, charming, and we've been friends forever, the three of us, you know that too. Dont' pretend that you don't know it."  
He nodded, not quite sure whether to keep at this or to just get up and go to his dorm, avoid them for the two weeks that remained of school, and find some excuse not to go to their wedding. Sure, he could just be one of those people that never goes to their class reunions. It would be easy, really, he would save some money and effort both now and in the future with just two weeks of awkward silence and having to friends in between. He barely realized his lips form the words "Then show me that you've moved on, as you said you did. Kiss me. Just once. Not for me, but for you. If you can do this, I'll leave you alone forever. I'll figure out something to tell your fiancee and I won't go to your wedding. Kiss me just once, and if you're still sure that you've moved on and made the right desicion, I will thank you for being my best friend for the last seven years, head upstairs, and never see you again. And if you do feel something, we'll take it from there. But you seem very confident. Let's see it, just one last time to know for sure."  
  
My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me So won't you kill me So I die happy My heart is yours to fill or burst, To break or bury, Or wear ask jewelry, Whichever you prefer.  
  
She sat on his lap. Carefully and slowly, her mind still not made up, she pushed her hair behind her ears. She still didn't know whether she would just tease him and lean in, only to tell him he was out of his mind, or actually kiss him. This decision would really tell her whether she had moved on. Did she feel insecure enough to think she actually had to kiss him to prove to herself that what she thought was correct, or was she so sure that she didn't need to take a silly dare to make herself know that she loved the man she was soon to marry? Her head swam with thoughts, trying to simplify the situation into something more maneagable. Finally, she was so overcome that she had no idea what to do.  
"I don't need to play your childish game to prove that I'm an adult. I don't need to do this just to make you happy, and I have no inner qualms about this. I don't need to listen to you."  
She kissed him, long and hard, but still soft.  
They were walking down a street, neither knew where, hugging, holding hands, splashing through puddles at sunset, the sun going down behind them. Music softly played around them, fading out as they concentrated only on each other, playing with each others' hair, until they realized that it was time to go back. They walked back. The gate was locked, they forgot how to open it, so he jumped it like a little kid, unlocked it, and let her through. They stood in the 50-foot double-doorway to the castle, and kissed, just once, and they meant it.  
They were sitting on the couch, in front of the fire, kissing, and they meant it. They knew that they meant it. It wouldn't be easy to clear everything up, to make everything right again, but when they kissed, they were somewhere else, somewhere better, together, and they meant it.  
  
Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember, I'll always remember the sound of the stereo, The dim of the soft lights, The scent of your hair that you twirled around your fingers And the time on the clock when we realized it's so late And this walk that we shared together. The streets were wet And the gate was locked so I jumped it and let you in And you stood at the door with your hands on my waist And you kissed me like you meant i. And I knew that you meant it, That you meant it, That you meant it, And I knew, That you meant it, Yeah, You Meant It. 


End file.
